Halloween, 30 years ago today, having been in love for just shy of two decades, Dear and I moved from Bloomfield, New York to Moscow, Vermont. It was, you might say, a reaffirmation of our commitment we labeled “Go Big Or Stay Home.” Ever since, some powerful forms of surrender to the vastness of our True Selves have come to pass.
She, four years ago, felt obliged to surrender to God all she had left of herself, her physical shell. She wasn’t angry, or hopeless. She was simply empty, no longer able to feel on this plane of existence the love of God that had always enveloped her.
And I, this morning, awakening from the dreamtime where, throughout the night, I experienced a newfound depth of awareness of the divine nature of all manifestations of existence. It is a gift born in part by my tremendous loss over these past several years of so many forms of ego security—loss that has prompted me to dive ever-deeper into the void of worldly-world emptiness where the voice of Spirit reaches my ear more purely.
As Ramana Maharshi is quoted: “Silence, the unique language, ever surging in the Heart, is the state of Grace.”
I don’t recall ever being more fragile in my relationship with worldly reality, and as a result never more hungry to die to my True Self, God Alone.
When Dear conveyed to me that her death would not change the fact that I still had things to attend to in this incarnation, and moreover, her death would help me do so, this is what she meant—so insightful, so far beyond anything I was capable of imagining at the time, and if I had imagined it I would have resisted it, given my attachments to ego’s phony promise that something in the worldly world can provide depthless well-being.
I recognize that I have been preparing for this Great Death my whole life, the cherry on top so to speak of all the adventures of love and fear, awe and heartbreak, that have made this incarnation so glorious. And humbling, that I am as aware as I am of its perfection.
Give me a bunch more incarnations and I’ll really be cooking.
Beautiful. Beautiful. And more Beautiful. Ye shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set you free.
Steve, you are frightening me a bit. i read you too literally i think. East or West Bloomfield? Stick around my friend; its good to keep reflecting on your musings.
Yes.
Thank you for all of it.
Steve, your depth of gift of introspection and expression related to Truth and Spirit is a tremendous gift to this worldly world. I love you. Second paragraph opened an explosion. I feel Dear’s compassionate Presence.
Love you Steve.
Your insights on surrender were so helpful to me today. Complete surrender is one of the most challenging thing we all face. The beauty is that in these moments we get a glimpse of this surrender we find ourselves in the arms of spirit. Thank you so much for reminding me of this today and know spirit is crazy about you and is always holding you in her arms. Sending love and light your way,
Brian
Don’t do anything rash without consulting me first.
October brought two deaths of friends. We buried one with shovels in Roxbury’s Natural Cemetery three days ago. Both have been difficult, but my husband’s ex wife, whom his family favors still above me, is tearing us apart. His entire family arrives for next week’s remembrance ceremony and I doubt I can bear their expressions of love for a woman who hated me. Live on, Steve. Live because losing you will create a void of more sorrow. Let’s all find joy somewhere, somehow in this quiet season.