Yesterday, for the first time ever so far as I can remember, but certainly the first time since 7/17/19, I attempted to draw the spirit of Dear and me together. Afterward, I sobbed like never before since her departure, just missing her, felt at a level not possible until now as I’ve been distracting myself from the solitude required to feel my soul ever-more deeply.
The level of dedication required to open to the wealth of wisdom available in solitude is a ferocious undertaking almost like living a brand new life in every respect. My inability to do things in the past considerable while, to pay attention, to organize and attend to ordinary life so to speak, has been, I sense, my consciousness shutting down in the spirit of, “You’re not paying attention to what matters most: the call of your soul,” a paying attention that, for me anyway at this time, only some important measure of solitude can facilitate.
I’m ever more aware of death, no doubt because this solitude is a form of death of the life that came before it. Plus, I am after all in year 82. May I be emboldened by the desert monk of 50 AD who, according to my memory of Thomas Merton’s book, “Wisdom of the Desert,” said, “The person who keeps death before his eyes will always overcome his cowardice.” Solitude for me at this time is the Great Playground in which that wisdom can flourish.
Not incidentally, my discovery upon completing this message that today’s date (5/25/25) is a palindrome is, I feel as always, a kiss from the universe reminding me of its essential spirit: playful, loving, deep.
Your drawing speaks your words, Steve. My attention lately is drawn to Native American views: Something’s going on here, something’s happening here. So much going on that I don’t see unless I am in a quiet place, mentally, emotionally, physically. And even then, there’s always more. Your words touch my heart.
Finally!!!!
Playful, Painful, Loving, and Deep