Halloween, 30 years ago today, having been in love for just shy of two decades, Dear and I moved from Bloomfield, New York to Moscow, Vermont. It was, you might say, a reaffirmation of our commitment we labeled “Go Big Or Stay Home.” Ever since, some powerful forms of surrender to the vastness of our […]
Halloween Surrender Read More »
A recent journal entry So many days since my beloved left the planet I awake in what I feel is the depression of discombobulation, of having a life with too many moving pieces and too few stationary ones to accomplish much in the way of worldly ambition. Then I have a cup of Death Wish
Fanatically Positive Read More »
My guru says don’t be shy about getting in God’s face. You’re His child, after all. Hat-in-hand is no way to approach your parent. Demand what serves your noblest aspirations. So I say: G, I’ve boiled it down. I need two things to feel the path I’m traveling is blessed.
Getting in God’s Face Read More »
My beloved’s suicide plus 18 months. The word is not the thing, and all I can give you is words. Seemingly never-ending new depths in the ocean of surrender. Familiar after familiar revealed as ephemeral. Perhaps it’s a feeling one has as death of the body approaches. Only for me it isn’t
Buddha on the Compost Bin Read More »
For more than six months I had been anticipating that I would be leaving Vermont after living here for 27 years, roughly a third of my life in the only place I’ve ever considered home. My beloved and I arrived on Halloween 1993. For the sake of a good story, I planned to officially
Instantly upon my beloved’s suicide, our home fell silent as an empty recording studio, a familiar sound-proof space in my career where even the roar of a hundred low-flying elephants can’t penetrate. The quiet I’m speaking of, however, was not so much in the home itself as it was in me. Some fraction of
Heartbroken and Joyful at the Same Time Read More »