When I Die

When I die I want to simply disappear into the ether. 

Having arrived an alien to all but God nearly 80 years ago, slipping out the back, my adios no more than whatever mess or beauty I’ve created while here, is in keeping with how I’ve attempted to honor the parade of treasures bestowed upon me since birth—including those pesky choices of the “What was I thinking?” variety.

I of course don’t know, and really don’t care, if I will die in the relative near term, but I am deeply grateful that the vibration of vulnerability is making itself at home in my body.  It beautifully fuels my intention to bring all the love I can to here and now.

There are things like a novel and my will that request attention, but there’s no demand of my small self to “get something done”––just to give myself to God with every breath as best I can.  Which is rather amusing since, more than any other single factor, my breath carries the reminder of life’s impermanence.  Many nights lately I struggle to get enough air for a reasonably peaceful sleep.  Whether my heart is being compromised by the effort is under investigation.

I refuse to be concerned.  

As the extraordinary actor Denzel Washington was quoted in the New York Times today, “Fear is contaminated faith.”

7 thoughts on “When I Die”

  1. Steve, recall our first meeting at SRF in Los Angeles, and my visit to our home. As you know, the cognitive, our grand stories and metaphors, are not the measure of our being. We are defined by the quality of beauty and immanence we breathe and share with every living thing as we walk along the country road. When the mind of image and concept dims, beauty and immanence expand, and that is what we are, have been, and will always be.

  2. Steve,
    I can remember many years ago sitting on your porch having a wonderful conversation. Some of the discussion surrounded my health and dying. I was struck with your comment …..”When I die I want the word of God on My Lips…..that is stayed with me for many years. And then your comment above “just to give myself to God with every breath as best I can.”, says to me your are a man who has continued to live by what you say.
    Merry Christmas My Friend
    Jim Birch

  3. What “sigh” said. That Denzel Washington quote has Hip Wisdom written all over it. Be well and stay present. As D.H. Lawrence said, “the living moment is everything.” Just this*

  4. Randy Repass Jr

    Beautiful words. But in an off topic note, I sure would love to see your lovely site updated with images of your lovely self today… all those pictures seems like another era through and through…but maybe I’m basing that on my journey and not yours. Continue to fly soul-man. 🥰🥰🥰

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